Gendered Parenting

Something that really caught my attention this week was our discussion of gendered parenting in class. The topic was one that I had never given much thought to, but after listening to everyone sharing their experiences of it I realized just how big a problem it really is. Not only do children experience this gendered treatment from their parents, but it can come from other family members as well. I also realized, however, how fortunate I am, because I honestly cannot recall a single experience during which my parents treated me differently simply because I’m a girl.

Unlike a lot of classmates, I never had a set curfew. My parents were willing to negotiate it with me depending upon where I was going. If I was going to an event that was ending late, that wasn’t a problem- they just wanted to know what time I thought I would be home. If I was running late, I just had to call to inform them. They made it clear that they did care about where I was, what I was doing, who I was with, etc., but not in a super controlling way; just enough to let me know that my safety and well-being was very important to them. Maybe this can be attributed to the fact that my parents had three daughters and no sons, so they never could make the comparison between what it’s like to raise a boy and what it’s like to raise a girl.

When I look back on my childhood, though, it’s even clearer to me that my parents were trying to raise me to be who I really was- not simply to be a “lady.” Looking at me now, you probably wouldn’t guess that I was a complete tomboy when I was a kid. I wore typical girl’s clothing, but I definitely didn’t act like a girl. I hated playing with dolls, wearing my hair down, dressing up, and watching any of the typical shows that other little girls were watching. I wanted to play outside, collect bugs, dress up like a Power Ranger, and watch Dragon Ball Z. I loved reading and learning, and I told everyone that I wanted to grow up to be a scientist. For my “chores” I would help my dad with fixing things around the house, or go with him when he worked odd jobs fixing things people in our neighborhood. I did plenty of things with my mom too, though. I would help her bake, cook, and work outside on the yard. From what I remember, I spent a pretty equal amount of time with both of my parents. If it ever upset them that I didn’t act like a typical little girl, they never let it show.

I am extremely thankful for the relationship that I have with my parents, and the fact that they’ve always allowed and encouraged me to be myself, even when who I was wasn’t what society said I should be.